Reading over my previous posts... it would seem I am a pretty Morose person. Yeah, I guess that's right from time to time, but not always.... just so you know. lol
Today I feel very blank. Like the lights are on, you know, but no one is home. I even tried listening to music all morning and nothing seemed to light that fire. Funny the way it is, when you think about it.... I always have to look forward to something. If I don't, living seems like too much of a chore.
Let me clarify I have NO thoughts of suicide whatsoever.
Just thinking on computer, I s'pose.
Anyways, things in my life are looking up, actually. I just moved in with the greatest man I've ever known and our kitties are getting along famously. The new place is fantastic and I'm so glad he and I share similar taste in decor, as my preference tends to be slightly odd... with my post mortem pictures and voodoo masks. Thursday we will get Internet set up which means free reign for World of Warcraft!! STOKED.
So... I really have no idea why I'm writing today. Guess just needed a little window to the outside world, sitting here in my cubicle.
Make the Best of What's Around....
Monday, May 25, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
GrooGrux King
When my mother died, I felt a crack in my heart. When LeRoi died, I felt a crack in my soul.
I read an article yesterday about DMB's new "get up." Butch Taylor, the pianist who's played with them for years, resigned not long ago and is being replaced by non other than Tim Reynolds himself. Crazy to think Tim is now officially a member of DMB. Crazy to think Butch Taylor is gone.
A young man by the name of Coffin is replacing Roi. I got to see him live last year and he is a phenomenal saxophonist, but when I see him play I see sadness. All I can feel when I look at Coffin is that huge hole where LeRoi should be. Like I said though, he is talent all around and I don't think DMB could have chosen a better replacement.
/sigh
So many changes. DMB has been the ONLY constant thing in my life... they are my family. Seeing them go through such hard times is very difficult for me. Dave said he really hopes the remaining members don't try to 'imitate' Roi...
God, with Roi and Butch being gone... I can't help but fear the worst. The day it is announced that DMB will be going separate ways will be a heart breaking day indeed. lol Listen to me... going on like a crazy insane, stalker fan. haha hardly. Just passionate, I s'pose.
They will never be the same, and it's completely understandable why. At least I had Roi's beautiful music for as long as I did and at least I know DMB will still always be there for me.
It's just...
Seeing my soul change like this is kind of hard to take at times....
I read an article yesterday about DMB's new "get up." Butch Taylor, the pianist who's played with them for years, resigned not long ago and is being replaced by non other than Tim Reynolds himself. Crazy to think Tim is now officially a member of DMB. Crazy to think Butch Taylor is gone.
A young man by the name of Coffin is replacing Roi. I got to see him live last year and he is a phenomenal saxophonist, but when I see him play I see sadness. All I can feel when I look at Coffin is that huge hole where LeRoi should be. Like I said though, he is talent all around and I don't think DMB could have chosen a better replacement.
/sigh
So many changes. DMB has been the ONLY constant thing in my life... they are my family. Seeing them go through such hard times is very difficult for me. Dave said he really hopes the remaining members don't try to 'imitate' Roi...
God, with Roi and Butch being gone... I can't help but fear the worst. The day it is announced that DMB will be going separate ways will be a heart breaking day indeed. lol Listen to me... going on like a crazy insane, stalker fan. haha hardly. Just passionate, I s'pose.
They will never be the same, and it's completely understandable why. At least I had Roi's beautiful music for as long as I did and at least I know DMB will still always be there for me.
It's just...
Seeing my soul change like this is kind of hard to take at times....
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
How I wish to be Mayfair
You know, I love World of Warcraft. Yes I am a nerd. (prepare yourself for geeky WoW talk)
So, my character race is called a Draenei: an odd cross between a gargoyle and .... goat...? Sounds hideous but actually she's quite beautiful. With dark purple skin and dark red hair, she rocks the World of Warcraft. Mayfair (of the Mayfair Witches) is a mage, meaning I get to stand back and blast the hell out of enemies with my wicked cool spells. Have someone you'd like to turn into a sheep? I'm your girl. I can make potions for my guild or enchanted stones to enhance my play. I can port my party to any city I wish (instead of taking the ships or griffins), or whip you up some tasty Mana Strudles. Basically, in a nut shell, I rock.
(Nerd!)
The game is facinating, detailing down to the tiniest butterfly flying around a random forest. The cities are filled with everything from taverns to get your character wasted, to toy shops where you can buy a motorized gorilla. Alchemy shops and black markets (where I bought a KICK ASS ghostly skull who follows me around).
I could rant and rave for hours about this.... not that you care. Then again, you are reading the mindless blog of a stranger.
So if you ever get a chance to play World of Warcraft, please do. It's a mind trip and will get you longing to live in this whimsical world.... of warcraft.
>:)
/nerdydmbchick
So, my character race is called a Draenei: an odd cross between a gargoyle and .... goat...? Sounds hideous but actually she's quite beautiful. With dark purple skin and dark red hair, she rocks the World of Warcraft. Mayfair (of the Mayfair Witches) is a mage, meaning I get to stand back and blast the hell out of enemies with my wicked cool spells. Have someone you'd like to turn into a sheep? I'm your girl. I can make potions for my guild or enchanted stones to enhance my play. I can port my party to any city I wish (instead of taking the ships or griffins), or whip you up some tasty Mana Strudles. Basically, in a nut shell, I rock.
(Nerd!)
The game is facinating, detailing down to the tiniest butterfly flying around a random forest. The cities are filled with everything from taverns to get your character wasted, to toy shops where you can buy a motorized gorilla. Alchemy shops and black markets (where I bought a KICK ASS ghostly skull who follows me around).
I could rant and rave for hours about this.... not that you care. Then again, you are reading the mindless blog of a stranger.
So if you ever get a chance to play World of Warcraft, please do. It's a mind trip and will get you longing to live in this whimsical world.... of warcraft.
>:)
/nerdydmbchick
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Southern Belle
Sheesh, my heart is longing for the South so badly... I can even literally taste the salt in the air. I've never lived there... only a few visits, but it's where my soul was born. I can't figure out, though, if its New Orleans or Savannah...
I've always wanted to just pack my shit and go. Leave everything behind here in Arizona. Unfortunately I have severe ties to this state I cannot break just yet... but now more than ever I'm feeling the need to breathe Southern air again. I'm going to seriously start planning a trip in hopes that will satisfy my thirst for now, but I fear it won't quench it.
For years I've lived a secret life in my mind that involves the life of a gypsy, you know, just picking up and leaving whenever the wind blows too hard. Working when I need money, sleeping when I need sleep. I don't know what's been stopping me. Fear? partially, but not entirely. I know I can do it... maybe it's a fear of leaving the familiar. No, no that's not it.
And THIS is what I mean when I say - My head won't leave my head alone. I need to just shut up, close my eyes, and DO it. But there is so much I'd be leaving behind.... including some dear friends and an awesome partner. My family? eh, I can live without them for a while for sure. They're better loved from afar if you know what I mean.
*Sigh*
For now I'll just keep surrounding myself with morbid pictures of Southern cemeteries and breath taking plantation homes. Send good energy my way, though, please.
Good intentions to make the right choice at the right time....
I've always wanted to just pack my shit and go. Leave everything behind here in Arizona. Unfortunately I have severe ties to this state I cannot break just yet... but now more than ever I'm feeling the need to breathe Southern air again. I'm going to seriously start planning a trip in hopes that will satisfy my thirst for now, but I fear it won't quench it.
For years I've lived a secret life in my mind that involves the life of a gypsy, you know, just picking up and leaving whenever the wind blows too hard. Working when I need money, sleeping when I need sleep. I don't know what's been stopping me. Fear? partially, but not entirely. I know I can do it... maybe it's a fear of leaving the familiar. No, no that's not it.
And THIS is what I mean when I say - My head won't leave my head alone. I need to just shut up, close my eyes, and DO it. But there is so much I'd be leaving behind.... including some dear friends and an awesome partner. My family? eh, I can live without them for a while for sure. They're better loved from afar if you know what I mean.
*Sigh*
For now I'll just keep surrounding myself with morbid pictures of Southern cemeteries and breath taking plantation homes. Send good energy my way, though, please.
Good intentions to make the right choice at the right time....
Monday, March 23, 2009
Office Space
My own personal living hell.
I know rarely do we end up where we expect in life, but really? I was not meant for this. If you've seen the movie "Office Space," you have an idea of my life Monday - Thursday and Saturdays: 7am to 3:30pm. It's a not-so-cozy office in the North Valley, my work I will keep anonymous for reasons (again) I know you'd understand.
The office is full of stuck up women who don't smile, probably because they're afraid of actual HUMAN contact. A majority of them speak Romanian.... which is just what I want to hear all day long.
One of my older sisters is the head executive of HR. I thought this would be extremely cool at first, until I realized she's no different at work than outside of it. She's controlling in her own, sick, sadistic way... and unfortunately feels the need to try and fill my mothers void in this world.
You see, she and I have different mothers but my mother took care of her starting at an early age. Sister has had to live her entire life with everyone telling her which woman to call "Mom." This is not fair to her, I completely understand but my mother is gone and sister needs to accept she is never coming back. I'm 10 years younger than her and I've already got that down. Working with her means having her in my face constantly, trying to say and act the way she thinks Mom would. And believe you me, she is WAY off.
Anyways, I got a promotion. Unfortunately I didn't get it the way the main character in "Office Space" got his. I'm being thrown into this position for reasons I haven't quite figured out yet, but there is certainly an underlying issue here. I think it has to do with the fact I've been trying to transfer departments.... and they can't afford to loose the person ell. So hey, lets promote me and hope I stay. Forget the fact I have NO idea what I'm doing and when I ask for help my supervisors turn the other cheek.
All I need is the red stapler and a name tag that reads: Milton.
Anyways, I hope one day I find my place in this world. THIS company certainly isn't it. I've made a few small friends here.... but honestly if I could leave tomorrow and never see any of these people again, I wouldn't loose any sleep.
I drag my ass in here 5 days a week, just to find I'm fighting nodding off for 8 hours a day. What a waste, huh? I totally know. It seems I've traded one prison for another. So why am I still here? Well, it's not where I need to be, but it's not where I used to be.
Just another stepping stone. But I am SO over this one. I'm praying the universe will send me the next phase in my life soon, because THIS is ridiculous.
I know rarely do we end up where we expect in life, but really? I was not meant for this. If you've seen the movie "Office Space," you have an idea of my life Monday - Thursday and Saturdays: 7am to 3:30pm. It's a not-so-cozy office in the North Valley, my work I will keep anonymous for reasons (again) I know you'd understand.
The office is full of stuck up women who don't smile, probably because they're afraid of actual HUMAN contact. A majority of them speak Romanian.... which is just what I want to hear all day long.
One of my older sisters is the head executive of HR. I thought this would be extremely cool at first, until I realized she's no different at work than outside of it. She's controlling in her own, sick, sadistic way... and unfortunately feels the need to try and fill my mothers void in this world.
You see, she and I have different mothers but my mother took care of her starting at an early age. Sister has had to live her entire life with everyone telling her which woman to call "Mom." This is not fair to her, I completely understand but my mother is gone and sister needs to accept she is never coming back. I'm 10 years younger than her and I've already got that down. Working with her means having her in my face constantly, trying to say and act the way she thinks Mom would. And believe you me, she is WAY off.
Anyways, I got a promotion. Unfortunately I didn't get it the way the main character in "Office Space" got his. I'm being thrown into this position for reasons I haven't quite figured out yet, but there is certainly an underlying issue here. I think it has to do with the fact I've been trying to transfer departments.... and they can't afford to loose the person ell. So hey, lets promote me and hope I stay. Forget the fact I have NO idea what I'm doing and when I ask for help my supervisors turn the other cheek.
All I need is the red stapler and a name tag that reads: Milton.
Anyways, I hope one day I find my place in this world. THIS company certainly isn't it. I've made a few small friends here.... but honestly if I could leave tomorrow and never see any of these people again, I wouldn't loose any sleep.
I drag my ass in here 5 days a week, just to find I'm fighting nodding off for 8 hours a day. What a waste, huh? I totally know. It seems I've traded one prison for another. So why am I still here? Well, it's not where I need to be, but it's not where I used to be.
Just another stepping stone. But I am SO over this one. I'm praying the universe will send me the next phase in my life soon, because THIS is ridiculous.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Where has all the music gone?
You know, it's so sad to me that more and more people are uneducated when it comes to music. I talked to someone today at work who doesn't know who The Doors, Led Zeppelin, Tom Petty, Dave Matthews, Janis Joplin, John Lennon, or Daniel Lanois are. Can you believe that? This guy is MY age. Granted, I'm only 26 and have the mind of a 45 year old, but still! How can you not know who JOHN LENNON was?
Ugh, music is becoming so obsolete and it makes me sad. =(
This weekend I went to the "Art of John Lennon" exhibit in Scottsdale, AZ. It was so amazing to see his handwriting right in front of my eyes. Framed (and on sale for over $5,000) was the lyrics to Imagine..... written by John himself on parchment. Just to be able I've say I've SEEN that in real life is such a blessing....why doesn't anyone understand that?
A while ago I met a 15 year old boy who asked me, "Hey, do you know who Beethoven is and if SHE is still alive?" WHAAAAAT! 15 years old and he doesn't know who Beethoven was? No, he didn't know, but he talked for a fucking hour about "fox racing" and going to the sand dunes. What the HELL are our schools teaching these kids?
If I had more money I would help keep music and art in our schools.
You know, I've never wanted children....but when I hear things like this I think, "well maybe I NEED to have a child just to put some hope back in our future."
"You may call me a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."
Please help me by spreading the good music. PLEASE.
Ugh, music is becoming so obsolete and it makes me sad. =(
This weekend I went to the "Art of John Lennon" exhibit in Scottsdale, AZ. It was so amazing to see his handwriting right in front of my eyes. Framed (and on sale for over $5,000) was the lyrics to Imagine..... written by John himself on parchment. Just to be able I've say I've SEEN that in real life is such a blessing....why doesn't anyone understand that?
A while ago I met a 15 year old boy who asked me, "Hey, do you know who Beethoven is and if SHE is still alive?" WHAAAAAT! 15 years old and he doesn't know who Beethoven was? No, he didn't know, but he talked for a fucking hour about "fox racing" and going to the sand dunes. What the HELL are our schools teaching these kids?
If I had more money I would help keep music and art in our schools.
You know, I've never wanted children....but when I hear things like this I think, "well maybe I NEED to have a child just to put some hope back in our future."
"You may call me a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."
Please help me by spreading the good music. PLEASE.
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