I call them this only because I have no other way of explaining them. I see them everywhere... on the streets, in the mirrors, outside my home, in a store, in a car... After my accident I started seeing these "shadows" and they never speak to me or even make contact (with one exception I will get to...), but I can see them and I believe they are aware that I can. They have no detail to them, just a sillouette-like figure and they react to the things people do around them.
For example, the other day I was at the market when I saw a "shadow person" follow someone down the frozen isle. It was a woman in her 40's, dressed in a suit. She was nothing out of the ordinary. It followed her all the way to the frozen corn where it stopped, placed a hand on her shoulder and turned to look at me. I stood, staring for a moment until the woman looked at me herself, with obvious confusion. As though to say, "what the fuck are YOU looking at?" I quickly turned and acted as if to be picking out some frozen dinners... when I looked again it was gone.
Are these "shadow people" angels? Maybe just beings from another place, I don't know.
Once I was buying an energy drink early in the morning at a gas station. As I was walking to the counter (not paying attention to where I was going), I suddenly saw from the corner of my eye a "shadow" shoulder check me so hard, I threw my arm back and jumped about 5 feet in the air. The kid at the counter (probably no older than 16 or 17) had the most shocked look on his face.
I said, "did you just SEE that?!?!"
"Uh....No...." he said, not sure what I was going to do next, probably.
"You didnt just see that thing run into me? Right here?"
"No ma'am, I didnt."
I stood staring at him for just a moment, trying to comprehend what had just happened. I just shook my head at myself and said, "okay then. thanks."
I bought my drink and got out of there before he called the police.
LOL
"shadow people." What are your thoughts?
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
My lucky 39
What a weird number to have as your lucky one, huh? I started noticing the number 39 pop up in my life when I was about 13. I was waking up every single morning within the hours of 4am and 6am... all with the last two numbers on my clock being 39. Since then, always the number finds me! When I was in my accident I had 39 stitches inside my abdomen. It happened at 11:39 am. The only time I've ever won the lotto... the winning number was 39. And after taxes I won 239 dollars.
I'm not sure I would consider this a "lucky" number, being that I died the second time at 12:39 (exactly an hour after my accident happened). But then again, I never feel horrible when I see the number, just a strange familiar feeling. Someone once told me it's a sign that I'm "on the right track in life."
I've been teased about it in the past... being told I'm copying stories such as that movie, "Number 23." Well here's the thing... I don't have to add things to 39. The number 93 means absolutely nothing to me. I don't have to LOOK for the number...because like I said, it always finds ME first.
Weird...
I'm not sure I would consider this a "lucky" number, being that I died the second time at 12:39 (exactly an hour after my accident happened). But then again, I never feel horrible when I see the number, just a strange familiar feeling. Someone once told me it's a sign that I'm "on the right track in life."
I've been teased about it in the past... being told I'm copying stories such as that movie, "Number 23." Well here's the thing... I don't have to add things to 39. The number 93 means absolutely nothing to me. I don't have to LOOK for the number...because like I said, it always finds ME first.
Weird...
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Disgusting!
You know, I heard a story today that made me sick to my stomach. I think my new job should be the job that Karma has. I have a lot of great ideas for those disgusting people in this world...
The story I heard was about some kids in England who were caught holding 2 puppies over a bonfire, watching the fur singe off their tummies.
What..... the.... FUCK.... ???
Ugh!! Utter disgust! Dave Matthews quoted once: "There's evil people, but they still came weeping out of somebody's vagina...."
(the puppies lived, by the way. So that's good...)
The story I heard was about some kids in England who were caught holding 2 puppies over a bonfire, watching the fur singe off their tummies.
What..... the.... FUCK.... ???
Ugh!! Utter disgust! Dave Matthews quoted once: "There's evil people, but they still came weeping out of somebody's vagina...."
(the puppies lived, by the way. So that's good...)
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Greatest Woman I Ever Knew...
She had red hair and green eyes. She grew up in the Amish community. She loved the Bee Gees and she loved Dave Matthews Band.
She was my mother, Ruth.
She battled what started as breast cancer for more than 7 years. Most of my memories of her involved her illness... I can hardly recall the days before the cancer. She suffered through endless Chemo, radiation, and even a bone marrow transplant.... and I can count on one hand the number of times she complained.
She died exactly 2 weeks before my 18th birthday. She didn't see me graduate, didn't help with my dress the day of my wedding, and she wouldn't be there if I ever had a child. My entire family was torn apart by her death and none of us have really healed. I don't think anyone really heals after something like that. Its sad, my family and I have turned our backs on each other (which is a long story for another time)... and that's not what Mom would have wanted. But how was she to know things would be this way without her?
November 14, 2001 I was pulled out of my science class to be taken to the hospital where my mother was told she wouldn't live to see dinner time. A lot of things were said between her and I that day, but the one thing I remember the most was when we talked about DMB.
You see, my mother and I had an agreement: We would not see Dave Matthews Band live without the other one there. When her time came, we still hadn't seen them. I said to her, "Mom, this is not fair. You cannot die today! There's so much we haven't done together. Who will I see dmb with?" she told me, "The next time they come to town, I want you to go see them. And when you see Dave up on stage....when you see him in the spotlight... thats where I'll be, in the spotlight."
A few hours later she was gone. Out of my life, forever.
Why, though? I'm sure if you, dear reader, have lost a loved one you've asked the same question. WHY? My mother was everything that defines beauty... and now she is gone. Turn on the news tonight and you will see rapist and child molesters. Why not them? Isn't that a horrible thing to say?
Horrible or not: I'm sayin' it. Think I'll make a bumper sticker that says, "Tell your God to stop picking on people with cancer and pay attention to the child molesters." lol Could be a winner...
She was my mother, Ruth.
She battled what started as breast cancer for more than 7 years. Most of my memories of her involved her illness... I can hardly recall the days before the cancer. She suffered through endless Chemo, radiation, and even a bone marrow transplant.... and I can count on one hand the number of times she complained.
She died exactly 2 weeks before my 18th birthday. She didn't see me graduate, didn't help with my dress the day of my wedding, and she wouldn't be there if I ever had a child. My entire family was torn apart by her death and none of us have really healed. I don't think anyone really heals after something like that. Its sad, my family and I have turned our backs on each other (which is a long story for another time)... and that's not what Mom would have wanted. But how was she to know things would be this way without her?
November 14, 2001 I was pulled out of my science class to be taken to the hospital where my mother was told she wouldn't live to see dinner time. A lot of things were said between her and I that day, but the one thing I remember the most was when we talked about DMB.
You see, my mother and I had an agreement: We would not see Dave Matthews Band live without the other one there. When her time came, we still hadn't seen them. I said to her, "Mom, this is not fair. You cannot die today! There's so much we haven't done together. Who will I see dmb with?" she told me, "The next time they come to town, I want you to go see them. And when you see Dave up on stage....when you see him in the spotlight... thats where I'll be, in the spotlight."
A few hours later she was gone. Out of my life, forever.
Why, though? I'm sure if you, dear reader, have lost a loved one you've asked the same question. WHY? My mother was everything that defines beauty... and now she is gone. Turn on the news tonight and you will see rapist and child molesters. Why not them? Isn't that a horrible thing to say?
Horrible or not: I'm sayin' it. Think I'll make a bumper sticker that says, "Tell your God to stop picking on people with cancer and pay attention to the child molesters." lol Could be a winner...
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
The homeless guy and the flower
This morning before work I stopped at a local gas station to pick up a few goodies and I saw a homeless guy leaning against the dumpster outside. There was an empty field next door littered with trash and such... right in the middle was a weed with a pretty yellow flower popping out.
So, I picked the flower and without saying a word, took it to the dirty man slumping on the ground. He didnt say anything for a few seconds, then he looked up at me and sighed, "thank you, young lady. That's exactly what I needed today."
I just smiled and said, "right on."
Thats all it takes sometimes, people! Spread the love....
So, I picked the flower and without saying a word, took it to the dirty man slumping on the ground. He didnt say anything for a few seconds, then he looked up at me and sighed, "thank you, young lady. That's exactly what I needed today."
I just smiled and said, "right on."
Thats all it takes sometimes, people! Spread the love....
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
All about my death...
Death? yeah, I know what that is...
June 23rd, 2003: I was driving to a sisters house when I swerved to miss a dog on the highway. Speeding? yes. Wearing my seat belt? yes, but it didnt matter....4 weeks later I woke up from a coma in ICU. What had happened was this:
There was a dog on the highway. From the looks of it, he was homeless and starving. Knowing better, I swerved to miss it. I sped out of control and flew into oncoming traffic where I was hit by a truck. Pronounced dead at the scene and was gone for about 6 minutes. I was flown by helicopter to a nearby hospital where I flat-lined a second time, this time being completely dead for almost 10 minutes. My family was told "if" I ever woke from my coma, there was a 94% chance I would be brain dead.
Ruptured my spleen and gallbladder, tore my liver in 2 pieces, and collapsed both of my lungs. Broke my hips and pelvic bone, broke both of my feet, and broke the back of my skull.
When I woke from my coma, I couldn't talk due to the great number of tubes protruding from both my mouth and chest. Apparently there was a nurse in ICU who could understand sign language and for 4 days after I woke, I spoke to her using my hands. Please understand, dear reader, that I do not even know how to spell my own name in sign language. I knew things about the doctors and nurses, personal things. Things about their children and their private lives. How? I don't know how, but it just came into my head as they walked by.
I've heard (as I'm sure you have also) stories of people who have had a near death experience and discovered they had developed a gift of some sort. I believe this has happened to me. Before my death(s) I didnt have any abnormal capabilities , and let me tell you.... since then my life has been one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Let me take a moment here to talk about dmb. There was a period of time after I woke from my coma when all I could do was sob. No matter how much morphine I was given, I just wouldnt stop crying. My father said, "I know what to do!" He ran to the nearest Walmart and purchased a portable CD player and DMB's Crash album. He says as soon as he put those headphones on my head and pushed "Play," the crying stopped. I listened to that album on repeat for more than 2 weeks...
Aaaanyways, Back to the story...
I was told by my doctors I would never walk again due to the way my hips and pelvic bone were broken. Any weight put on my legs would re break the bones because they didnt heal correctly. So I spent 4 months (at 19years old) preparing to give up horse back riding, dirt bike riding, hiking, swimming, modeling, 4x4-ing, and many other cherished hobbies. Alas, my stubbornness prevailed. 14 months later I was walking, with a cane mind you, but still....walking on my own 2 feet again!
It's been a very long haul since then... full recovery has not been something I've reached yet, and its been almost 8 years. I walk with a cane on occasion now, but still am dealing with mass amounts of pain. I try not to complain though! I beat all odds and am a miracle, yes, I am very aware of that.
As for the events since then? The voices, the visions and the people I see? Ahhh, thats a story for another time...
So the next time you get in your car to go for a ride... think of me, my friend. Be sure to put on your seat belt, just hit the dog and go the freakin speed limit.
June 23rd, 2003: I was driving to a sisters house when I swerved to miss a dog on the highway. Speeding? yes. Wearing my seat belt? yes, but it didnt matter....4 weeks later I woke up from a coma in ICU. What had happened was this:
There was a dog on the highway. From the looks of it, he was homeless and starving. Knowing better, I swerved to miss it. I sped out of control and flew into oncoming traffic where I was hit by a truck. Pronounced dead at the scene and was gone for about 6 minutes. I was flown by helicopter to a nearby hospital where I flat-lined a second time, this time being completely dead for almost 10 minutes. My family was told "if" I ever woke from my coma, there was a 94% chance I would be brain dead.
Ruptured my spleen and gallbladder, tore my liver in 2 pieces, and collapsed both of my lungs. Broke my hips and pelvic bone, broke both of my feet, and broke the back of my skull.
When I woke from my coma, I couldn't talk due to the great number of tubes protruding from both my mouth and chest. Apparently there was a nurse in ICU who could understand sign language and for 4 days after I woke, I spoke to her using my hands. Please understand, dear reader, that I do not even know how to spell my own name in sign language. I knew things about the doctors and nurses, personal things. Things about their children and their private lives. How? I don't know how, but it just came into my head as they walked by.
I've heard (as I'm sure you have also) stories of people who have had a near death experience and discovered they had developed a gift of some sort. I believe this has happened to me. Before my death(s) I didnt have any abnormal capabilities , and let me tell you.... since then my life has been one hell of a roller coaster ride.
Let me take a moment here to talk about dmb. There was a period of time after I woke from my coma when all I could do was sob. No matter how much morphine I was given, I just wouldnt stop crying. My father said, "I know what to do!" He ran to the nearest Walmart and purchased a portable CD player and DMB's Crash album. He says as soon as he put those headphones on my head and pushed "Play," the crying stopped. I listened to that album on repeat for more than 2 weeks...
Aaaanyways, Back to the story...
I was told by my doctors I would never walk again due to the way my hips and pelvic bone were broken. Any weight put on my legs would re break the bones because they didnt heal correctly. So I spent 4 months (at 19years old) preparing to give up horse back riding, dirt bike riding, hiking, swimming, modeling, 4x4-ing, and many other cherished hobbies. Alas, my stubbornness prevailed. 14 months later I was walking, with a cane mind you, but still....walking on my own 2 feet again!
It's been a very long haul since then... full recovery has not been something I've reached yet, and its been almost 8 years. I walk with a cane on occasion now, but still am dealing with mass amounts of pain. I try not to complain though! I beat all odds and am a miracle, yes, I am very aware of that.
As for the events since then? The voices, the visions and the people I see? Ahhh, thats a story for another time...
So the next time you get in your car to go for a ride... think of me, my friend. Be sure to put on your seat belt, just hit the dog and go the freakin speed limit.
Something you should know...
Let us call me, Dancing Nancy, shall we? I feel this is appropriate as my heart lies with the Dave Matthews Band. As I tell you of the events in my life, you will understand why. I've been down many roads, witnessed many troubles, survived many tragedies, and been blessed in more ways than i can count....
From Marriage to Divorce, from my mothers death to my own (twice!), from 2 rapes to drug addiction, from at times, agonizing psychic abilities to constant chronic pain... working in a strip club to working in a cubicle. Living my life as a bird in a cage to recently breaking free.... And in one way or another, Dave Matthews has sung about all of them.
If you are a fellow dmb lover, please let me know, as I would like to know my readers can understand the love and respect I speak of.
So sit back, dear reader, and be prepared to say, "No freakin' way..."
From Marriage to Divorce, from my mothers death to my own (twice!), from 2 rapes to drug addiction, from at times, agonizing psychic abilities to constant chronic pain... working in a strip club to working in a cubicle. Living my life as a bird in a cage to recently breaking free.... And in one way or another, Dave Matthews has sung about all of them.
If you are a fellow dmb lover, please let me know, as I would like to know my readers can understand the love and respect I speak of.
So sit back, dear reader, and be prepared to say, "No freakin' way..."
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