New Orleans, Home.

SO much has happened since I last blogged. Just going to be blunt...


I am moving to New Orleans... biggest decision of my LIFE and I'm gonna do it. I've always wanted to but never have had the guts and I've spent these past few weeks/months really looking at myself and what I need. Turns out you cannot depend on another person to make you happy.. you have to do it yourself. It's funny because I'm so good at giving that advice to other people but have never really evaluated myself to see if I'm practicing what I preach. Guess not.

I don't want to leave my partner.. he's the only reason I've stayed in this desert prison for so long. He doesn't want to move to a place like nola and it wouldn't be fair for me to expect him to follow this crazy ass dream. But it's to the point now where I will cheat myself if I go my WHOLE life and never try something I truly want to do for ME. He's being supportive, though he doesn't want me to go. I have absolute faith he and I will be together again... though I know that's what everyone says in this kind of situation. We both are willing to accept the possibility that we may never be together again, but we both are not going to dismiss what we’ve built just because I need to discover myself. I cannot wait to be in a place like nola and know I am there for nothing other than MYSELF. Really give myself a chance to search my soul. Mom's not here anymore, you know? She was the only family who I was really close to and now she’s dead… What have I got to lose?

Who knows.. I may go out there and only want to stay 1 year. I may never leave. I've no idea what's in store other than I'm going to live in either the French Quarter or Garden District (both have some fantastic places for rent.. I will check them out when I go in April). Getting a job waitressing or bartending on Bourbon Street will be easy as pie as I was a successful bartender for 6 years.. and with a wild imagination like mine I can *totally* rack up tips just by being myself. And I am TOTALLY going to street perform. haha Some people there make a nice living off just dressing up and playing with tourists. I can't wait to wearmy voodoo doll costume and collect tips for it.

Haven't told the family yet. I want to wait until I have a little more set up before I do.. I’m going to get so many doubts, so many “you’re still chasing a little girls dream, Sue? Grow up.” I don’t care… I feel it in my soul.

When I go it won't be until a bit later in the year.. have a lot of saving to do. I am moving with my best friend who is from Baton Rouge and has family all over the state, they all have offered to help us in anyways we need. So I'll be there with someone who grew up in the area and has plenty of support....

What's really crazy is I have been praying that the Universe give me any possible signs it can spare... please, show me what to do!! Every single day I get more and more signs that point towards this. It's so ridiculous that ignoring them would be an insult to whoever’s watching. When Mom died, Lord knows I asked for signs left and right and didn't receive a single one... for the first time ever I’m getting them thrown at me like bugs against a windshield. I feel like every event in my life has lead up to THIS moment.

This is going to be an amazing, life changing experience.. I'm excited and SO terrified at the same time.

But hey, I'll only be 10hrs away from my brother. I talked to him about it yesterday and he is SO stoked. He can't wait to come stay with me during Mardi Gras. OMG I'm going to live IN Mardi Gras! ahhhh!

I'm so overwhelmed. So terrified. SO READY.