(dated incorrectly. Updated from another blog site)
I could go for hours. lol So much to say, indeed.
I'm thinking that the nola move will need to be moved up. Maybe June? The only reason I'm staying here so long is it seems to be the "responsible" thing to do. Maybe for once I need to be irresponsible and just go for it.
Have you ever had a fantasy that is SO captivating, it consumes your every thought? A passion for something that is so strong, you want nothing more than to fulfill and devour it? Yeah, me too. lol Sometimes it's frustrating to "feel" that much, because when you realize it is actually just a *fantasy,* you are heartbroken. Accck.... wish I could just float through life like a drone. So many people out there are satisfied with the mediocre and usual. Life would be so simple if I could just settle... I guess that's not a good thing to wish for... are those people REALLY happy? Probably not. Guess the grass always seems greener on the other side. Again - I wish I could paint my life the way I want it.
If you could pick one song to sum you up... which would it be? Mine would be Grey Street (by DMB, of course. lol). "She feels like kicking out all the windows and setting fire to this life... she would change everything about her using colors that are bold and bright, but all the colors mix together to Grey... and it breaks her heart." Ooooo listen to me... the sappy poet. There I go feeling too much again. LOL What's funny is I crave "feeling." When I was on meds, they did nothing but numb my body and mind... and I *loathed* it. I wanted to throw a brick in my own face just to get SOME kind of reaction from myself. That's why I quit them all cold turkey - talk about a rough week!! I've been on it all.. from Xanax to Paxil. From Percocet to Morphine. But I find that cannabis works WAY better. Kill the whole flock with one stone. Speaking of... I really REALLY wish I could smoke here at work. lol SO bad of me... since my job is a branch of "law enforcement." What the fuck ever dude... its a plant. lol Don't get me started on that.
Rambling again. Thinking out loud. Thanks to whoever is STILL reading this. lol
I want to be stimulated. I want something and someone who will light my interest every day. Don't know if that's a naive thing to wish for too, but either way - it's what I want. I LOVE to be surprised. lol Not just gifts or crap like that (I'm definitely NOT a diamonds type girl)... just, surprised in life I guess. I hate being bored. But it's seems simple enough with me because most of the time, just relaxing and listening to music is enough to keep me busy. lol I feel like I'm screaming at everyone in my life to just GET it, but no one does.
Anyways - I should stop here before I get carried away and end up writing you a novel about pointless sh*t. lol Thanks again for reading.... After my last blog, I realized how good it felt to get the random clutter out of my head.. so I decided to write you #2. Expect 3,4, and 5 soon. hahaha
Peace, friends
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