The Greatest Woman I Ever Knew...

She had red hair and green eyes. She grew up in the Amish community. She loved the Bee Gees and she loved Dave Matthews Band.

She was my mother, Ruth.

She battled what started as breast cancer for more than 7 years. Most of my memories of her involved her illness... I can hardly recall the days before the cancer. She suffered through endless Chemo, radiation, and even a bone marrow transplant.... and I can count on one hand the number of times she complained.

She died exactly 2 weeks before my 18th birthday. She didn't see me graduate, didn't help with my dress the day of my wedding, and she wouldn't be there if I ever had a child. My entire family was torn apart by her death and none of us have really healed. I don't think anyone really heals after something like that. Its sad, my family and I have turned our backs on each other (which is a long story for another time)... and that's not what Mom would have wanted. But how was she to know things would be this way without her?

November 14, 2001 I was pulled out of my science class to be taken to the hospital where my mother was told she wouldn't live to see dinner time. A lot of things were said between her and I that day, but the one thing I remember the most was when we talked about DMB.

You see, my mother and I had an agreement: We would not see Dave Matthews Band live without the other one there. When her time came, we still hadn't seen them. I said to her, "Mom, this is not fair. You cannot die today! There's so much we haven't done together. Who will I see dmb with?" she told me, "The next time they come to town, I want you to go see them. And when you see Dave up on stage....when you see him in the spotlight... thats where I'll be, in the spotlight."

A few hours later she was gone. Out of my life, forever.

Why, though? I'm sure if you, dear reader, have lost a loved one you've asked the same question. WHY? My mother was everything that defines beauty... and now she is gone. Turn on the news tonight and you will see rapist and child molesters. Why not them? Isn't that a horrible thing to say?

Horrible or not: I'm sayin' it. Think I'll make a bumper sticker that says, "Tell your God to stop picking on people with cancer and pay attention to the child molesters." lol Could be a winner...